topsy turvy

i'm a doctor!

 

 

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i did it!

i had my viva last week and got the highest mark i possibly could with no corrections.

but now life feels a little strange...a little topsy turvy.

sometimes i feel really proud (of course), mostly it doesn't yet feel real and occasionally i feel blue.

there are many rational explanations for this (something really stressful happened last week and i guess i'm still a bit bruised from it, hormones (blah blah) and also it's kind of like an anti climax. for four years i've been focussed on my thesis, for the past year and a half i've struggled with the ghastly writing up process and now it's done. over. this is FANTASTIC. i am THRILLED. i would have wept for days and days if i had had to pick up the thesis and continue reworking it.

but now i feel like i have to learn how to just 'be' again, how to relax! 

this weekend we're off to our local spa up the mountain so it's a good start.

ps my thesis will be available on-line very soon so i'll share the details here when it is if you want to dip in and see what all the fuss was about.

pirates of the mediterranean

pirates of the mediterranean from nancy west on Vimeo.

a wonderful trip and i managed to capture some of it here. photos to follow...

pirate skills

well, italy was thoroughly restorative and totally wonderful but i have no time to share any photos for the moment as we're busy sorting for our next holiday!

tomorrow we drive to marseille, get a ferry to corsica, hire a yacht with friends (and my brother and cousin) and spend a week sailing back to marseille.

i have never been on a yacht except for on a calm swiss lake so i have everything crossed that i find my sea legs quickly and suck up this adventure. plus i'm hoping to learn some pirate skills from raffaele :) (this was him last year in the south of france).

in need of a break

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i am so very tired. it has not been an easy time recently. thank *goodness* we are going on holiday at the end of next week - two weeks in ischia, with my brother and parents joining us for the first week. then one week back at work and then a week sailing round corsica with friends.

i have never been more in need of a break.

if you would like to see my ischia photos from last year, you can read this post or see these flickr photos.

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underwater ink photography
alberto seveso

release

sunday morning - a self portrait

this morning i cried and cried. as a release, i think, from such a tough past few months.

yes, life has been wonderful in many, many ways but the process of writing up this thesis has almost broken me and now, as soon as i have had a chance to just stop and relax a bit this weekend, my body has given up.  i thought i was sick but it's just a physical and emotional crash.

but, as a friend erica said,  i did it. an emotional let-down is normal and now i need to re-find normal.

raffaele suggested company and fresh air would be good so sunshine, a ride on my new bike (post on this to follow!) and brunch with friends made me feel much better emotionally at least.

thank you for all the lovely messages of support on instagram. what a wonderful community.

nancy x

a birth announcement

i forgot to post this announcement that i shared along with the photo of my finished thesis:

after a long & difficult labour, i am delighted to announce the birth of my doctoral thesis, weighing 267 pages & over 75,000 words long. mum & baby doing well!

i posted the news as soon as i had e-mailed it to bristol to have it printed and bound  and it was such a  busy day in the office that there was no chance to celebrate. so messages of congratulations coming in from all over the world via the wonderful web (and text messages too) were a real treat. of course i celebrated properly when i got home that evening (as seen in the photos in my last post) and then i flew back to submit two of these (one per examiner).

 i should point out the champagne was for me not as a bribe!

unfortunately all the (well-meaning) advice about my viva has painfully reminded that i have submitted but it is not finished. i am hoping for the viva to take place in november at the latest and then, once i have made the final round of corrections as requested by the examiners (argh!!), i will be truly done and dusted!

BUT i have time to switch off a little (a lot) in between now and then with a trip to italy in a few weeks and then to corsica in october. oh my goodness, those holidays will feel so well deserved!!

this week has been insanely busy (and stressful) in the office but raffaele and i have also had full and fun evenings all week so today i have finally crashed! cue achey body, tight chest and a headache. i have no other plans today other than sitting on the sofa and catching up with photo and video editing and a bit of blogging. i bought an iPad as a treat for submitting (plus my parents contriubted to it for my birthday) and today is the first chance i've had to properly use it! the summer and the internet really don't mix but today is much, much cooler and cloudy so the sofa, rather than the lake, is definitely the place for me to be.

WOOOOOOOOOOOT!

i DID it!!

 

MOtivation

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i just watched mo farah get his second gold medal. WHAT a race and how inspiring to watch someone give it their ALL to get something they really, really want.

today has been really tough as i am REALLY NEARLY there, i am just so tired of it all at this point! i am planning to finish my thesis tomorrow evening, which will coincide with the closing ceremony of the olympics. feels fitting somehow. i have worked SO hard for this. i have had a lot of the olympics on in the background while making final, final, final changes which has been really nice.

i've never felt patriotic before but the success and determination of british athletes and the whole london atmosphere has been surprising and enjoyable and it is so wonderful that it has inspired so many people, especially a younger generation.

my grandfather, peter west, was a commentator (mainly cricket and rugby) and he commentated at the tokyo olympics in 1964. unfortunately i can't find any BBC images of that on-line but here are some others because my grandpa was also an inspiring man and i know he would be SO proud of me on the eve of my finishing this PhD.

 grandpa is the one on the right

he got me a signed photo of steve cram because i used to compete in long distance running, although i was a better sprinter - see below!! steve cram was commentating for the BBC for the 5,000m race just now so that made me smile. and grandpa encouraged me to write a letter to seb co as well (another nice link to london 2012) and i told him i had asthma, which i knew he had too. he replied with a signed photo as well. ace.

right, on with the final push. GO, GO, GO!!

note: i am only 10 years old in this photo and i can't get over how incredibly muscly my thighs are.

ps - i had a feeling i had already written about grandpa on here. you can read that post here.

running out of reserves

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i'm so tired of this.

i feel like i used all my reserves to submit a full draft and now that i have to do corrections it really does feel like it is never ending.

so, i am pressing on and taking one day at a time and trying my best to change my attitude about the situation. for example, by focussing on the fact that each day i work further on this is making it a stronger piece of work that i can be even more proud of when it's done.

but for the times when i don't have the strength to think positively or the strength to formulate more ideas, i rely on a LOT of coffee and enjoy sunbathing in the sun spot in my study.

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work hard, play hard

note - i wrote this post the other day but never got around to publishing it.

also? today is especially tough. ooooof.

so, on with the post...

these days are tough but also wonderful. a colleague is currently on leave so my responsibilities have suddenly increased, as has my workload. i really enjoy my job (working for a consultancy helping to buy and sell luxury jets as well as manage assets - a world away from academia!!) and the challenge has been extremely rewarding. but the other day my thesis was returned with corrections. more corrections than anticipated. my supervisors are very impressed with the standard of my work but they want it to be even better and their perfectionism is overwhelming.

juggling both these new workloads tipped me over the edge yesterday and i sat at my desk with tears in my eyes, trying my very best to keep calm and focus on the positives.

luckily, i have managed to negotiate some time off at very short notice so the next week will be spent ploughing on with final changes. i didn't really feel i had time to PROPERLY relax in between submitting my draft and getting this new feedback. but this means  it will all be over, properly over (except for the viva) sooner than anticipated.

but life has most certainly not been all  work, work, work. the weather has been glorious, except for a few rainy (but pretty warm) days here and there. life revolves around the lake and our balcony and most work-day evenings still have a holiday feeling to them, despite raffaele and myself having very early starts and working very long days. we have had BBQs a plenty, swum in the lake and been on a speedboat while a friend wakeboarded behind. but the highlight was spending time on a yacht.

BLISS.

here are a few photos to add to this unusually wordy blog post. i have some lovely little videos of recent lake life too but am never at a computer long enough to upload them. i'll share them soon...

sailing into the sunset

 

sunset supper on the yacht

raff having a pre-dinner swim

 

ps. a very belated thank you to all of you who commented on here, by e-mail, text, on facebook , twitter and instagram. sharing my highs and lows with you all has been a real help on this seemingly endless journey!

nancy x

i did it!

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done and DUSTED! i just submitted a thesis which i am SO proud of!

there is a little more to do once my supervisors have read it in its entirity but all the hard stuff is done, OVER.

it's plain sailing now!

i am over the moon and shattered all at the same time. i keep thinking of all of the ways i want to celebrate. but right now, i can hear raffaele pulling into our driveway so we'll have a drink on the balcony and both bask in the glory that it is OVER (almost...)

the final push

so, here i am, very close to a finish line but not THE finish line.

i am working super hard this long weekend (thursday was a public holiday in switzerland and fridays are my study day) to finish a polished draft. i am behind schedule but i am optimistic and, most importantly, i have begun to feel very pleased with what i have written to date.

it is very difficult for non academics to understand why this is going on and on, why i am having to work quite so hard, why i didn't make my deadline of last week and why i can't take a break - especially this weekend. some people are even pissed off with me because of it! thank goodness raffaele is so incredibly supportive and he is oh so proud of me, as i am of myself :)

so, here it is, the final (almost) push. i will be able to take it easy for the next month or so while my examiners comment on the most recent draft. but then i'll have to crank it up again, make the FINAL corrections and officially submit! i anticipate a summer of champagne and mini celebrations!

for now, it's GO GO GO and there's no going back!

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warrior

so, here i am, blogging again...

life recently has been full - fabulous in many ways but supremely tough in other ways. well, just one - my bastard thesis.

i am SO near the end now and, for the first time yesterday, i could actually see it. i could taste my freedom. but, as is so common with this stage of a PhD, i started off fresh and positive this morning, enjoying a lazy brunch with raffaele and some exciting news from a friend. and then it all went downhill...

i am working in my office at the weekends at the moment. it is a place where i am used to being efficient (in my new job, which i really love) and generally helps me to feel i'm not missing out on fun in the sun since it is in a business district so no-one is around.

this afternoon i had a meltdown for the third time in seven days. i have set myself a target which i need to reach by tomorrow evening and despite making (slow) progress this afternoon, all i could think was that it doesn't look like i'll make that target. i don't really have a choice at this point since a full, polished draft is due with my supervisors in june. so soon!!! this is much more excellent than negative since it means it really is nearly over. well, the hardest part. there will be (further) revisions to make, of course, but the bulk of it will be done.

raffaele has been as supportive as he can possibly be. as supportive as anyone can be without having gone through the hell that is the final stages of a thesis. he is looking after me and making me laugh but also encouraging me to toughen up, to think positively, to push through this very last stage.

he just sent me a text saying i need to be a warrior :)

so, here i am, with my tear-stained warrior face, blogging about this stage in the game. because i guess i would like to have it to remind me, to look back on, as a diary entry.

i looked up a suitable warrior image on pinterest (since google is full of dire fantasy creatures) and this one made me laugh so it gets a place in this post. it's a bit like i feel at the moment - trying to be strong but not really pulling it off.

i'll be back with an update soon - stronger, fitter and even closer to the finish line!!!

nancy x